You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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