I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
