Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Randomize
