Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
