i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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