with your own penis?
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
