I bet he comes in French.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Found the puke drawer
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
