I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
