i already hear my dad disowning me
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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