Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I showed him my bush... on skype.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
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But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
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I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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