Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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