hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
