Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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