Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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