Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
