Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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