if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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