no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
