i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
