Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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