i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
