he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Randomize
