worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
