This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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