Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
