i think my tv is drunk
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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