I'm really into asian looking animals
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
