Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
