Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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