actually, I'm a sock model
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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