we have pet lesbian snakes
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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