What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
