I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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