That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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