Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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