Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
