Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
