Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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