summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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