I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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