I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
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He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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