a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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