Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
