His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
