im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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