ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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