somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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