i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize