Your face is a jimmy john
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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