i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
