WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
