Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
