i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
