Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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