I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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