Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
