there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize