u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
