just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
