is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
