Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
